"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9
After nearly four weeks, I’m breaking the silence. As many of you know, the last four weeks have been very difficult for our family. The last four weeks have caused us to dig deep, pray hard, ask tough questions, and wait for answers. While I am generally a very transparent person, I have not shared about our struggle with the masses for several reasons. First, I have both physically and mentally not had the strength. Secondly, we are not exactly positive what it is that we are up against. With that being said, I now have enough strength and feel led to share at least what we know so far. I feel led to break the silence…
There has been in decrease in my health for quite some time. Without going in to all of the little details of symptoms, aches, and pains, I will just save you some time by saying “it” hit me hard this last month. (Whatever “it” is) I spent several days in the hospital for testing and have spent the remainder of my time at home. Just yesterday, I spent the day at a (neuromuscular) medical center in Dallas and will be returning there several times within the next month for even further testing. I have “good days” and “bad days”. There are days when I have energy and there are days when I have very little strength at all. This is not the place for me to list out all of my symptoms (the last thing I need is for a thousand people to get on Google and to try diagnose me). However, this is a place to share with you what the Lord has been teaching me through all of this and it is a call to prayer.
Let me share something wonderful with you: When your body fails you, the Lord is there. When all you physically have the strength to do is lay in bed, the Lord is there. When you are in pain, the Lord does not leave your side…So, I have had the wonderful opportunity to have a whole lotta Jesus Time!
There is one word that the Lord has continuously given to me throughout all of this: RESOLVE. Resolve is a very strong word. Other words for Resolve are determined, firm, to be set upon. The Hebrew translation of the word Resolve actually implies that you set something “upon your heart”. Such a good word in a time of weakness!
In a time of weakness, we are prone to wander in our thoughts…Why me? Why is this happening? What is it I should really be doing? What do I need to quit? What is the cause of all of this? Did I do something?
Reflection and inventory of our hearts is wonderful and something that God’s word calls us to do, but doubt and discouragement can quickly rob us of peace and joy. We must discern between the two.
Therefore, I have Resolved in my heart that regardless of any sickness, regardless of discomfort or weakness, that I will remain faithful to the calling that I believe the Lord has placed on my life.
There are just some things that I believe the Lord has called me to do. I believe He has called me to live with transparency and to share with others about His unconditional love and grace. I believe He has called me to be a voice for His name and His glory. I believe He has called me to be the best wife and the best momma I can possibly be. I believe He has entrusted my precious children to me as a gift, so that in everything I do, I may point them back to Jesus Christ. I believe that the Lord has called me to consider each and every life as one of great value and great worth and to love everyone like Jesus.
There are just some things that I believe the Lord has called me to do and guess what? These things do not change just because I am weak. These things do not change because I am facing a trial. Instead, I will Resolve to hold firm to what I know about God’s word, about God’s character, about God’s unconditional love for me and I will press on! I know that in my weakness, He Is Strong!
Have you lost your Resolve? It’s so easy to do. Don’t let Satan win that battle. Let’s you and I join together. Let’s both Resolve in our hearts to not let our joy be stolen, to hold firm to the calling the Lord has placed on our lives, and to persevere even in the midst of great trials.
…Several months ago I was asked to speak at a women’s conference with the date being set for May16th and 17th. I absolutely love speaking at women’s conferences and felt led to do so and responded with a “yes!” I cannot begin to tell you how excited I have been about sharing the messages the Lord has laid on my heart. However, as my health issues increased, we began to watch the calendar and were just not sure if I would be physically able to make it to speak at the conference.
I can tell you that I have gained quite a bit of strength in the last week and am praising God for this! But I am still very weak. I began to make this a huge matter of prayer. RESOLVE. That word. It’s like I couldn’t get away from it. I felt an overwhelming tug from the Holy Spirit that I was to speak at this conference. You see, I feel that it has a whole lot less to do with me and a whole lot more to do with God teaching me that if I would Resolve (hold fast) in my heart to what He is calling me to do, then He will take care of the rest.
So I am asking, would you pray for me? I am asking for a supernatural strength. I am asking that His power would be made perfect in my weakness. I am asking for a sound mind and a sound heart. I am asking to be used as His mouthpiece- that all glory and honor would be brought to His name! And ultimately, would you pray for healing? Because our God is a God who is able!